Ok - let's level set

The previous two posts were originally written in the discussion forum found at www.phenpro.com - so I took them "back" and posted them here so that I could keep everything in one spot.

I've created this blog for a number of reasons - I like efficiencies... but most importantly, doing this feels prophetic in some ways, like I'm on to something big and I want to share it, and also be an advocate for what I feel Dr. Michael Anchors is doing for the world at large. No pun intended.

I absolutely adore words, and the infinite power they hold. This is my true love and I have been wanting to come back to it in so many ways - write a book, a movie, a play, a poem - anything really.. but I don't take the time for me, and I am learning this was my first mistake. This blog is a good time to start changing that... I'm on the cusp of some great changes.

I want to be healthy - not skinny, not fat, not anything other than I want to feel good in my own skin - I'd call this "normal", but I laugh at that word every time I hear it.. like a knock-knock joke, it's silly. I honestly don't care about how much I weigh, or the measurement of my waist - but I will track these things because they are metrics - they are tangible and not just feelings. No one can argue with the numbers.

I don't care really how others perceive me because I have learned the very hard lesson that everything my friend, almost everything, is subjective. What's been the struggle is how I feel others perceive me and that does no one any good - it's not fair to them, or I - because I'm definitely harder on myself than they are - and then I hate them for what I think they may be thinking! <-- this is a psychology paper waiting to happen.

I'm also a relatively new momma.. my daughter is 2.4 years old and when I look at her I see the world in so many peaceful and happy ways. I want to be a part of her world and make my world a place she wants to be as well.I want to to be around for as long as I possibly can to help her, guide her, and learn from her as well.

I'm a wife - my husband loves me, dearly. But I want to have sex without thinking about anything but the wonderful feelings and serenity it provides. I want to sashay naked, daringly across the room, happy with the size and sway of my hips. I'm ok with my scars and the sag of my breasts... but I'd like to be lean, and relatively sleek - I want to look good in leather.  (I'll explain this later - but it has nothing to do with S&M)Granted, marriage isn't all about the sex - but let me tell you - if you're having a lot of good sex - you're bound to have a great marriage. Touch is more powerful than anything written.

Ok - so back to this - I'm going to write here every day that it doesn't interfere with me living my life. Every seven days I will be posting a picture, with my measurements, and every day I will journal what I eat/drink. (Dr. Anchors you can't poke me for the first 2 weeks as I phase into doing the right thing).

Oh - and the pills. I guess I should mention those since they are a part of this, but they are by no means all of the journey. You see - Dr. Anchors patented the combination of phentermine and prozac to aid in sustained, long term weight loss - aka phenpro - and I am taking this as part of my weight loss regimen. For any of you that have read this far, and are now going to lecture me that I should just get out and exercise, and eat less, and and and and and and - yes, I know all of this, and you're partly right.. but if I could just do it - you wouldn't be here reading the blog of a fat girl trying to lose weight.

The medicine is complimentary to what I must do - and it helps me be able to do what I must do. Just like pills someone takes to quit smoking, manage depression, cholesterol, blahblahblahblahblah. It is an enabler of sorts - it lays the foundation. For this I am greatful.

Tonight I will post my starting weight, measurements, the first picture, and what I ate for the day.

Good times!

Sas