*sigh*
I feel like the little girl from the Wizard of Oz.. the spoiled rotten brat who wanted the golden goose egg and fell down the shoot? Granted, I'm not spoiled and am rarely a brat (honest)..
The thing is, I believe I missed my calling to be completely honest. I love flexibility, creation, creativity, colors, textures, fabrics, materials (glass, wood, metals).. and the list keeps going on and on and on and on and on and on..and the number of ways that they can all be put together.
My grandmother sparked this love in me at an early age, but she lived far away and I got to see her only intermittently when I was younger and when I was older - wasn't that "into" hanging out with my Granny in the sense of learning her "wisdom". Every time I did see her though - she would buy me latchhook or cross-stitch kits, or let me "sew a row" on her machine. I so wish I would have paid more attention to all of this (isn't hindsite always 20/20?).. but the memories are priceless for me and I love her for that.
I loved art and shop in school - they were my most favorite times of the day. I did become disgruntled with art class in the sense that I didn't like the "structure" of having to paint a picture of a big red barn and would often times lament on why we couldn't learn the lesson of what was being taught yet be allowed the freedom to apply it to the picture in our heads - but for the size of the small Texan town we lived in - I now realize we had a great teacher.
I excelled in my shop class and kudos to the teacher for treating me like one of the boys since I was the only girl. I would have gone into carpentry I think had it not been for those telling me I would never earn a living "making stuff" even though architecture was also in my blood. Instead, I hunkered down and focused on the sciences and went a totally different direction than what my gut was wanting to do.
Through the years I've quelled the creative streak that has been a constant dull roar right below the surface. As I age I of course come full circle to what I already knew as a kid - and that is to do what you love first above all else. The contradiction is that I've now got a family, a career and the need to be able to make the transition without the family suffering from a monetary perspective. Note I didn't say material - we are happy with what we have and are learning the fine art of simplifying our lives - but I am real in the sense I like living in a house, driving a car and saving for our retirement and the ability to pay for my daughter's education.
But ooohhhhhhhhooo would I love to make my living off of what I make...
The second contradiction is that I want to make and create everything I've ever wanted to make and create - all at once, right now, this very smack darn minute. Yesterday....
The challenge = married, with 22 month old (which I wouldn't change for all the money in the world), finishing another degree for the career I'd toss in a minute if I could make what I wanted to create / time x energy.
Momma's coming up with a plan....I gotta - I'm bursting at the seams sew I have to quit bobbin around and fuse all the pieces together.
